Arthur's Merlin
by Lureln
Summary: In the aftermath of V-day, Eggsy approaches Merlin and asks a question that has been bothering him for a while... And inadvertently learns of a shocking revelation. He is SO screwed. Crack alert! One-shot. Rated T for casual use of crude language. Now available in Chinese!


"Hey, Merlin, I wanna ask you something."

"Ask away, Eggsy."

"D'you think the other Kingsman would, yannow, come after me for that mess with Arthur?"

"No, they won't. I have informed them of the circumstances, and they all understand that Arthur had betrayed us. Why would you think that in the first place?"

"Cause he was Arthur?" Eggsy shot Merlin an odd look. "C'mon, you really think they'd just let it slide that easily? After some failed recruit just up and offed your fuckin' _leader_?"

"Woah, woah, back up a little bit, Eggsy. You think _Arthur's_ the head of Kingsman?" Now Merlin was the one to look incredulous, leaving Eggsy terribly confused.

"Well, yeah. Isn't he? Since it was King Arthur who came up with the whole Round Table thingy? Thought you guys were big on that kinda symbolism."

"Ah. You need to brush up on your Arthurian lore, Eggsy. King Arthur wasn't the one who created the Round Table – it was Merlin who advised him to do it. Also, the first Kingsman took up the name Merlin, not Arthur, so we are indeed keeping with the symbolism." Eggsy thought Merlin looked entirely too smug, but didn't say anything in favour of looking utterly flabbergasted.

"Hold up. You mean _you're_ the boss of Kingsman? Fuckin' hell. Why are you running 'round doin' all the backstage work then? Lettin' Arthur boss you around? Come to that, what boss oversees the whole recruit training? Thought that's usually a minion's job."

"Keeping to the legends, Eggsy. Arthur's the figurehead, but really, it's Merlin who gives all the good advise and guides the Kingdom in the stories. And I've always been the firm believer of staying in the loop of things – and being a handler allows me to do that perfectly. Same reason for overseeing the recruits. I wanted to see for myself how well you could handle the Kingsman business." Merlin shrugged nonchalantly, as if it wasn't a big deal. "So, yeah. You have nothing to fear from the other Kingsman agents. I've already cleared everything with them. They have accepted it, and we're ready to look for a new Arthur."

Eggsy nodded dumbly, still coming to terms with this revelation. "Wait a minute... Does that mean I did Princess Tilde in front of the Kingsman boss!? And upgraded you from a pilot to my personal chauffeur..." Eggsy paled dramatically. _"Shit!"_

"Yes, shit indeed, Eggsy. Please don't remind me of your amorous conquests. But now that you mention it... Perhaps I should devise some form of retribution?" Eggsy hadn't thought that anyone could look this _evil_ , but Merlin sure did right at this moment. "Yes, I think I would be entirely justified in some payback, don't you think, Eggsy?"

"Errr... I s'pose now'd be a bad time to say I'm sorry? And... I honestly forgot about the glasses?" Eggsy began inching away from Merlin. That grin could mean nothing good. Nothing at all.

"Too late for that now, Eggsy. I'm going to have my revenge, and you'd better be prepared." Eggsy thought that Merlin's grin couldn't possibly stretch any wider, but it did, and right now he was downright terrified. Give him Valentine and Gazelle any day, but put him in front of Merlin with the largest, shit-eating Cheshire grin?

Eggsy fled.

Merlin's hearty chuckles followed him, and the young agent shivered.

 _Fuck, I'm so screwed._

* * *

P.S. Thank you Kelly for the translation into Chinese (if you want to read it, please drop me a note in the reviews and I will reply with the link and guest log-in details asap).

P.P.S. Just to clarify: I'm actually not 100% certain who was the one to suggest the idea of a round table in the first place in the Arthurian legends, but I think I remember reading somewhere that it was Merlin, so... I just ran with it. Cause Merlin's awesome. Yay.

And also because of all those bad jokes my teammates were cracking all throughout HKAYP...

P.P.P.S. Who invented the Round Table?

It was _Sir Cumference_.

I am shameless.


End file.
